Monday, December 7, 2015

The miraculous banana.


The boutique hotel chosen by 'The Font' is eerily quiet. Early December is not peak tourism season in provincial England. The receptionist, who spends most of her time talking to the two Australian barmen, seems surprised to see us. ' We're very busy in summer' she says by way of welcome. 

The bedroom boasts an eclectic mix of furniture. This  includes a three poster bed ( it had been a four poster but one of the posts has had a mishap and is now propped up against a wall ), a beige silk sofa that appears to have been inexpertly cleaned and an interesting collection of Indian themed tables with almost matching lamps.

Over dinner Angus chooses a bottle of wine from a long and undistinguished list. '' Good choice Mate !" says one of the young Australian barmen. His enthusiastic tone suggests I've scored seven out of ten in a general knowledge quiz. He returns with a bottle and pours two glasses. We are not invited to try it. 'The Font' is encouraged into the Christmas spirit with an admonition to 'Get that down you'. Modern man has clearly not reached Woomera.

For breakfast the next morning 'The Font' orders porridge and wonders if there is some fresh fruit to go with it. The Lithuanian waitress ponders this request. She consults with a colleague then disappears into the kitchen. Finally, she returns and announces " Jesus has gone to buy you a banana !". Jesus, it transpires, is the Spanish commi-chef.  'It's not every day that someone says that to you ' observes 'The Font' brightly. 


We buy an anti-gulp bowl for Sophie.


Some goats milk chocolate for Angus.


The ducks on the High Street have a rather exotic companion.

Brussel Sprouts are now sold enriched with Selenium. What will they think of next ?


There are strong winds so our flight is delayed. Bob and Sophie will be picked up from the kennels this morning.

A message on the answer machine from the builders to say they will be coming to finish off 'the work'. Neither of us can imagine what this might be.

So starts a new week in deepest, deepest France profonde.



20 comments:

  1. Gosh it sounds like a scene from "Fawlty Towers". Even in Australia our country hotels are a tad better. Still it must have been an "enlightening break" and I am sure the dynamic duo enjoyed their presents.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Welcome back Angus. I'm intrigued to know how the goats milk chocolate tastes. (Better keep it safe from Sophie).
    Cheers, Gail.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I shall try a bar later this week and advise.

      Delete
  3. Good to know you're home - we've missed you !
    We're intrigued to know what an anti-gulp bowl is, and also wonder what goat's milk chocolate will taste like. The hotel doesn't sound as though it's in line for any tourist awards, but at least the comi-chef was prepared to go out and buy a banana for "The Font". Thank you for making us laugh on a dismal Monday morning !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The anti-gulp bowl has large indentations in its base. These are supposed to make a dog eat more slowly. It may work for some dogs. Sophie is of course a vacuum cleaner on legs.

      Delete
  4. So much more exciting than a travel lodge with matching pictures on every wall. The term is usually 'ged-it-inta-ya-mate'! Must have been modified for the British client.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Being wine waiter at a boutique hotel in the English countryside means that some Australianisms need to be toned down.

      Delete
  5. I'm rather interested in how goats milk chocolate tastes as well?
    So, you have your own country now Angus?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shall let you all know when I taste it.

      Delete
  6. So happy that you're back safe and sound.
    I held my breath hoping that the boutique hotel would turn out okay but I'm smiling at the three poster bed and the banana run for the Font...your description of your visit was priceless (as always)...thank you Angus for making my day.
    Having your own county now will make you even more famous in deepest France profonde.
    Hope the anti-gulp bowl works for Sophie.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good to be back. Bob and Sophie echo that.

      Delete
  7. In spite of everything, did you enjoy yourselves?
    Say, is that a Mandarin duck? Goodness!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I always enjoy travelling with The Font.
      Yes, it seems to be a seriously lost Mandarin.

      Delete
  8. Welcome home! We missed you. Do you think you will discover what Bob and Sophie did while you were away?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Please report back on the performance of the anti-gulp bowl.
    xo

    ReplyDelete
  10. As you could have guessed, we have an "anti-gulping" bowl just like that to slow down the dogs that eat too fast, and have also used it for dogs that drank too fast as well. It does work, but we've had a dog or two that became frustrated with it and can't figure out how around the stops. I'll be interested to read Sophie's review.

    Glad you had an enjoyable getaway!

    ReplyDelete