Old time religion

Our cruise around Japans inland sea and gardens is now well underway. We are thoroughly enjoying ourselves as much for the shipboard company as for the shore excursions. The weather has been mixed but we shall definitely do this, or something similar, again. Tomorrow, the ship heads for Busan which will take two days. Fog is forecast for Monday. Angus has purchased a cable to transfer photos from the i-Phone to the i-Pad but is having little luck in doing so. The ships £400 for three weeks unlimited use Wi-Fi package is prone to having problems which makes posting data and pictures difficult. This problem causes much grumbling amongst the passengers who spend much of their time on deck vainly peering at their phones. In fact the passengers spend much of their time complaining about something. The absence of Chivas Regal in the bar being the most serious issue encountered so far.

Rule #1 of going on a cruise is to read the small print. I’d assumed ‘The Font’ had done this. ‘The Font’ assumed I’d done it. So we are surprised to discover that every Friday night is ‘Dine with the Stars -weather permitting - Night’ . This is when al fresco tables and beach umbrellas are set up on either side of the funnel and cocktail  dresses and blazers are replaced by something altogether more exotic. Not even Oscars night parties could match some of the creations hauled across the Pacific in 1st class cabins for this event. ‘ We love dressing up . Simply love it ‘ says a lady holding a champagne flute as she wanders around the ‘exquisite and harmoniously decorated ‘ dining area to show off a close fitting white silk creation covered in sequins and small embroidered roses. Her husband wears white tie and tails which is also - in its own way - remarkable.

There are ‘tensions’ onboard. The silk wearing lady vies with a rubenesquely proportioned woman in a low cut red outfit as the Queen Bee of the voyage. The woman draped in silk lives in Palo Alto while the woman in red lives in Presidio Heights but used to live in Bel Air . They each ask the guest lecturers ever more complex questions at our morning briefings in what the staff refer to as the ‘theatre’ but is really an empty space with chairs located somewhere dark and humid in the bowels of the boat. It is clear both ladies enjoy the limelight but not sharing it.

On our first evening onboard our permanently cheerful purser ‘Eldo’ delivers two bottles of wine to our door. We assume that these are  for quiet consumption over the coming week. Imagine our surprise when he returns the following evening - and every subsequent night  - carrying two more bottles. It seems that part of the California zeitgeist is to arrive at dinner in a ‘convivial’ mood. “ It’s included in your rate “ says the lady at the concierge desk when we ask . She quickly adds ‘ We can provide spirits if you’d prefer ‘. We most certainly wouldn’t.This evening two bottles of an Indian Zinfandel which the label says is ‘ zippy and robust ‘ are provided. 

Good Friday night. While ordering a post gala dinner gin and tonic in the inglenook bar - ‘ a touch of old world calm and elegance on the high seas ‘- one of the Palo Altoan ladies gets it into her head  that something must be done to commemorate this special moment in the year. Soon others take up the cry. The captain - a  bearded and well tanned Greek gentleman in a splendid white uniform with enormous gold trimmed epaulettes - says he will ‘ pause the vessel for the expression of the seasonality of our prayers ‘. Angus is left to ponder where the man might have learnt to  speak English as if it’s still 1920 but is impressed with his ability to deal with the sudden whims of his passengers.

So it is that on Easter Saturday morning a group of forty or so Americans, two Europeans ( three if you include the captain ) and the fifty or so Filipino crew can be found gathered on the promenade deck to catch what would have been the sunrise if we’d only got up an hour earlier. There is a slight delay while a waiter goes off to find a Bible. The captain  reads something in what can only be described as  heavily accented English. One of the Californian ladies dabs her eyes with a handkerchief. Four  of the Filipino gentlemen then sing ‘ Give me that old time religion’ accompanied by a colleague playing a guitar. Finally the woman behind the concierge desk reads G K Chestertons poem ‘The Donkey’ . She waves her arms theatrically and perhaps a tad too force fully shouts out the last line -“Fools! For I also had my hour: one far fierce hour and sweet ! There was shout about my ears and palms before my feet”. The only passengers missing are ‘Gwinny’ and her ‘grandson ‘. Before we head back to our cabins  we are reminded to fill in our customs declaration forms for South Korea.