Friday, March 7, 2014

Impossible is a word I never pronounce






Our Swedish cheese slicer succumbs to metal fatigue. Head and handle irrevocably separated. En route to the airport a quick detour for a replacement. Purchased and paid for in just over three minutes. Life, however, provides an added twist to this simple little tale. Who would ever have believed that the wonderful people at airport security would consider a cheese slicer to be an offensive weapon ? It is confiscated and placed in the transparent bin of shame for all connecting travellers to see. '' Hey Brenda ! Come over here and see what some idiot tried to take on the plane ". Angus toys with the idea of highlighting the improbability of a middle aged business man storming the cockpit brandishing a blunt cheese slicer but thinks better of it. Humour and airport security incompatible companions.

Bob and Sophie are waiting at the cafe in the arrivals terminal. ' The font ' has relearnt the lesson that the  surest way of keeping the little angels well behaved is to sit at a table with a view of the pastry and sandwich counters. Dogs, like toddlers, are better companions when the prospect of  'cake' is dangled in front of them. Bob once again demonstrates his skill at opening the sliding doors by waving a large hairy paw in front of the motion sensor.

Wonderful weather. The forecast says it's going to stay like this for the next two weeks. Home in time for Sophie to clamber onto the table and eat the post and for Bob to go down to the waterfall and dive ( unsuccessfully ) for fish.

 

19 comments:

  1. Perhaps the Heathrow security person had read the same New Scientist I saw a couple of years ago, about a study that found psychopathic traits are more common the leaders of industry than in the prison population….
    Still waiting for a video of Bob and the sliding doors. Please!

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  2. Shall I send you another in the post?

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    1. How kind of you to offer. Let's wait a few days and see if the Peter Jones online shipping system works.

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  3. So Brenda now has a new cheese slicer....I can see her using it quite skilfully in her kitchen, "Look what I got today Honey, a new cheese slicer........I am so happy, since ours was a goner....how lucky I am that some idiot thought he could take it on the plane. We confiscated it right away. It's much better off with us here anyway."
    Pity there was no post office booth nearby so you could mail it to yourself. I had to do that once when they "confiscated" some pricey "not allowed on the plane" items from me.
    What do you think happens to all the "confiscated" items? You can believe me that they are not dumped.
    I hope you can mail order another cheese slicer soon.
    Looks like Sophie wants to take the Font's Astrology course as well. I guess that way when she barks at the night sky she will know which stars she is barking at.

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  4. Someone somewhere has a lot of nail clippers and vanity scissors . I'm sure the cheese slicer makes a welcome change and is already in action !

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  5. "Sir, may I ask why my cheese slicer is being confiscated?"
    "Because you don't want anyone to cut the security line."

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  6. The only damage I seem to do with cheese slicers is to myself, even the cheese is fairly safe !

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  7. americans everywhere are still amazed reading this that little dogs... or big dogs for that matter... are even allowed in places where humans are.
    like airports. or bistros.
    OH THE HORROR OF IT ALL!!!!
    some human might get a dog germ i guess.
    you open those doors bob. OPEN THOSE DOORS! for all your poor germ ridden american cousins who can't set paw near them. or the likes of them.
    welcome home marshal dillon.
    always so glad when you're back.
    dodge is not the same without you. xo

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    1. The great thing about France is how dog friendly it is.

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  8. Sadly, little surprises me anymore! Monday, without applying for it, Jack and I have TSA pre-check, as we have had several times in the past. On the return flight home on Wednesday, I do, he doesn't. Why, I ask one of the airline reps. It's random to test the product.

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  9. I once watched a security guard break off the file part of nail clippers, thus rendering them VERY sharp. The owner seemed to be in shock!

    XXXOOO Bella & Roxy

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    1. They are a law unto themselves !

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  10. And you thought that, maybe once, customs would be a breeze.

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  11. Recommendations for 'the font':
    "Astrobiology: A Brief Introduction" by Michael Gross and Kevin Plaxco, ISBN-10: 1421400960.
    "Rare Earth: Why Complex Life is Uncommon in the Universe" by Peter D. Ward and Donald Brownlee, ISBN-10: 0387952896.

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  12. A perfect day, I'd say.
    The cheese slicer incident, though frustrating, should provide chuckles for weeks.

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  13. Travelling to the UK from Australia in the mid 90's via Hong Kong, I had a small pair of craft scissors confiscated in Hong Kong. I received a receipt for it and on arrival in Heathrow there it was, in it's own little box, riding the carousel with the rest of the luggage. No reason your lovely cheese slicer couldn't have been returned - it's a racket! Pauline

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